Procasti-Learning
It’s 11.20 pm. Twitter notifications are pinging. As I’m winding down, the rest of the Internet is picking up. Notification frequency is ramping up.
I stare at the text cursor on the screen. Willing myself to type. Struggling to resist the urge to click on a tweet @davidperell just sent.
“Maybe it’s relevant to what I’m writing?”
It’s a bullshit excuse. I do it anyway.
20 mins later. The cursor is in the same spot.
I’ve completed a few courses in the past few months. Starting with Write of Passage (WoP), Building a Second Brain (BASB) and now Performative Speaking (PS).
These courses aim to increase your output. I have definitely achieved that goal. I’ve published more than ever (10 essays so far).
But I still get the feeling that I’m stuck.
And whenever I experience that, I fall back into the habit of doing what I shouldn't be doing in the first place.
I stop. Losing all momentum I built up.
Then I catch myself and attempt to assess the situation. To examine what made me stop in the first place.
And I fall back into a familiar trap. Craving inspiration and seeking motivation.
“Inspiration” and “motivation” comes in several forms: Twitter, Instagram, Ebooks. I end up in a learning spiral.
After being inspired I would find myself making plans using the new knowledge I’ve gained. For example, I wrote about wanting to increase my publishing output after binging on Casey Neistat videos.
But since then I have only slowed down.
What Gives?
I invested time and money on courses to learn how to publish like a machine. But whenever I hit a slump, I look for the next resource that will ‘help’ me do more.
That leads me to the question, am I procrasti-learning?
The act of learning is not easy. It takes commitment, energy and money.
Yet, as Tiago Forte himself put it: “Learning is the ultimate form of procrastination.”
So why do I want to learn? To be able to put my thoughts out into the world?
Am I interested more in learning than publishing?
The accessibility to learning on the Internet reminds me of the first time I had access to Amazon Prime. A limitless catalogue, frequent discounts and next day delivery! It was the missing element that I have been looking for. The one thing that could change my life for the better. And I went on a shopping spree. If I needed something, Amazon Prime.
When I hopped back on to Twitter, I had the same feeling. A limitless number of gurus and accounts with thousands of followers. All promising me they could help me achieve the same results they did in half the time.
"People buy things to realise their aspirations." - Bertram Cooper (Mad Men).
The number of things I could become from taking a course excited me.
Want to be a writer? There's a passage for you to follow.
Jun dreams of productivity? Here's your Second Brain.
It led me down a consumer-centric path. Because it was so easy to buy items online, I would get them just in case. Often leaving me with items I barely used.
The convenience of resources led me to bite off more than I can chew.
Is This Self-Sabotage?
Have you made an expensive purchase, barely used it and put it away in the storeroom? Never to be seen again? Embarrassed when someone calls you out about it?
I have a confession. The closest people to me in real life don’t know I write. Even though I put hours into a piece of writing. It is only the online audience that I share with. Few friends know I have a website.
It's funny, the difference in learning online and in real life.
I'm afraid to share with people what I learnt because I haven’t made use of it.
And because I haven’t shared with my “real-life” circle of friends, I feel that there isn't skin in the game for me. The incentive isn't as strong. And I get away with not doing because there aren't real-life consequences.
I've realised a big part of what motivates me is recognition. And I lose motivation when I don’t get it.
This line of thought would lead me back to something I should be avoiding in the first place. The lack of doing.
A vicious cycle.
The Victory of Being the Underdog
It may sound masochistic, but... I enjoy the struggle.
I love putting time and effort to learn a new skill. Yet, I have this habit of stopping once I've obtained it. It may be fatigue after the sprint. But I would wait for a few months before practising it again.
It's an underdog complex. In life, I've gotten everything I wanted. But there was a lack of satisfaction in obtaining it. But whenever I restart or learn something new, the struggle gives me satisfaction. It will be something earned.
Solution
There are several methods I've adopted to overcome the hurdle of procrastination. And oftentimes I tackled these obstacles alone. Discipline, habits, purpose, productivity. I've tried it all and they do play a part in getting things done.
But, I still find myself missing deadlines and having uncompleted projects. I grab onto my mistakes, like a bag of rocks underwater.
In reality, the mindset of the lone man in the arena can be detrimental. Because, as an online creator, we live in our own heads. One uncompleted project may lead to more if there isn’t a railing to grab on to.
I will urge anyone with their eyes set on publishing online to look for one thing: A team.
In writing, this team is my accountability group. Setting a time and place to meet every day for an hour to write. It takes discipline, it forms a habit and gives me a purpose for my writing. I mean, we’ve been meeting consistently through a pandemic/ 2 x elections (Singapore and US) and some holidays.
This article has been in the works for 5 weeks. And it would probably still be for another 5 weeks if not for the encouragement and push from the team..
If you seem to be struggling, seek out these people that will have your back. There’s a stone hard comfort to know that there are people to help you out on your journey. And if you see someone who might be going through the same struggle, reach out.